Wednesday, May 31, 2006

George Costanza: My Personal Hero

(January 6, 2006)

"It's not you, it's me." - George Costanza

Has there ever been such a worthless guy that has so much worth? Seriously, not a day goes by that I don't laugh at something Jason Alexander's fictional character George Costanza, from the TV show Seinfeld, has done in an episode. Some of these moments include...

The episode in the Hamptons, where a girl saw his tiny dong and he blamed it on the pool and shrinkage... The time he screwed the cleaning lady and got fired from Pendant Publishing (where Elaine works)... The "chucker" episode... The "bubble boy" episode ("Moops")... The contest ("I won a contest once", even though we find out later that he cheated)... The parking spot... Living with his nut-job parents, Estelle and Frank... "Art Vandelay"... Latex... faking being a Marine biologist... Being mistaken for a Neo-Nazi leader... Incest with his cousin... and she agreed... turning the bottom of his Yankees-office desk into a napping area... buying a car solely because he thought actor Jon Voight once owned it, when it really belonged to a dentist of the same name... The time he took his unemployment officer's repulsive daughter on a date, um, several dates, to keep getting his unemployment benefits... converted to the Latvian Orthodox religion to keep his girlfriend (my father just did a similar stunt), an attempt that ultimately failed... the pilot... becoming the next great "hand model" only to burn his hands on an iron the day of his first gig... the nose job... the stock tip mishap... that Chinese restaurant ordeal... streaking across Yankees field in a "body suit"... using a lip-reader to spy on an ex-girlfriend... "My boys can swim!"... the tennis match/sundae debacle... becoming obsessed with Jerry's girlfriend (Jennifer Coolidge, aka Stifler's mom) because she hated him so much... and mostly getting caught whacking off by his weirdo mom.

This guy was one of the greatest characters ever concocted. He made the show. Ever heard the phrase “that guy could f*** up a wet dream?" That statement is the story of George Costanza's life, and thank God that it was. I just really, really wish that HBO would throw $50 million at Jerry Seinfeld and a good chunk of change at Seinfeld creator Larry David and the rest of the cast and bring the show back as Jerry for one season on HBO. Seinfeld on HBO, imagine the possibilities. They are infinite! It would be worth it... easily. I would get Tivo again. Everyone would, well, close enough.

To sum up this blog I would like to include a hilarious excerpt from the "George Costanza" definition on

"George has numerous psychological problems, including: narcissism, habitual lying, low self-esteem, sudden fits of anger, impulsive acts of ill-considered generosity, cheapness, selfishness, living in fantasy. Like Kramer, he would often concoct elaborate plots to weasel out of relational, financial, or legal obligations, always with unexpected and negative consequences."

We will always miss you, George "Can't Stand Ya'." That much is sure, "baby.”


At 6:19 PM, Blogger Kishan said...

gud post one of the greatest tv characters..

At 11:13 PM, Blogger Adam Best said...

Maybe the best.


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